Holly's Worst Nightmare
by dawnsong
Summary: ok, this scares me, and i want to claim no responsibility for it. i blame rosethorn, and a really odd convo... anyway, title is accurate and it has a twisted ending. its really a parodyhumorhorror-and-maybe-a-touch-of-romance-but-not-really... ::sigh::


disclaimer: all characters belong to eoin colfer (or however u spell his name...) not me. plotbunny... well, technically its mine, but i hate to take responsibility for it. still, no copying. this is a product of *my* twisted mind (and a twisted convo w/Rosethorn, even tho im sure she doesn't want to be associated with this monstrosity =D) and no one elses. that i kno of. well, at least not now. if ne1 elso comes up w/somethin like this i will be *very* surprised. i thought human minds could only twist so far... MUAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
  
  
  
the scene: right after artemis turns 18. naturally, much has gone on, but i tried to make no spoilers to the second book (which is all that's published currently, in case someone reads this after like 5 books are out... or watevr...) and, yeah im kinda babbling, so, i present...  
  
  
  
Holly's Worst Nightmare...  
  
  
"Holly, I'm afraid it's true. Artemis has turned eighteen. He is no longer under Angeline's control. We need a permanent agent on him, to make sure he doesn't cause another disaster like the *last* one."  
"Not me, Commander Root! I've been involved with him *far* too much over the past five years. I refuse to watch over him ilke a little green guardian angel."  
Holly Short was furious. And for good reason! How... typical of Root, trying to hook her up with that Fowl boy yet again... Even after all she'd done in the past, it *still* wasn't enough for Root, noooooo...  
"Well, Holly," Root said, a little sadly, "I'll give you a week to think it over. If yuo decide you want the job, you start immediately. If you decide you don't, I'll find someone else, and you'll have another job. But I want you to use the whole week. No sudden decisions."  
"Yes, sir!" Holly saluted sharply and turned to walk back to her room. She paused in the hallway wo lean against the corridor wall and brood. The nerve! As if she would actually consider working with that... that Mud-boy. Even if he was eighteen. Even if he *had* helped her out in the past... NO! Not even worth considering. She stalked off down the hall to her room, and a hot bath, and bed.  
  
  
One week later...  
Holly walked back up the long corridor to Root, where he was waiting with Foaly. She'd gotten a note that morning, in the mess hall, to meet him there. Holly was sure her next mission would be much more... enjoyable than her experiences with Artemis. For one thing, Foaly had a new wing design, finally perfected after years of work. She was really looking forward to it...  
"Root, I've decided. I'm not go-" Holly said quickly  
"Holly," Root interrupted, "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. Artemis has made some rather exorbitant demands. He says unless we give him what he wants, he'll destroy us."  
Holly was shocked. "How? He tried before, and even *kidnapping* me was hard enough; how does he imagine he'll kill us all?"  
Root sighed. "Not kill, destroy. He has found a way to use radiation to kill all the seeds of the Oak."  
"No!" Holly gasped. "How could he? That's impossible!" Her mind reeled. Without the Oak's seeds, her people would run out of magic- they would be destroyed! It was a fate worse than death. She collapsed into one of Foaly's chairs.  
Foaly was qietly clopping around the back room, trying as hard as he could to stay close enough to eavesdrop but far enough to be unnoticed. It wasn't working. He kept straining his ears to their utmost, but to no avail. Suddenly, his eyes brightened. He seized a tiny pair of brand-new hearing amplifiers. He needed to test them out for the scouts, of course. No, no, you couldn't send out scouts with defective hearing amplifiers. He carefully put them on and leaned into the conversation. What he heard next made his jaw drop.  
"I'm afraid it's true, Holly. And worse yet...the price to avoid all this..."  
"What?"  
"We must sacrifice one of our own." Holly's face paled. "And that's not the worse. Death would almost be enjoyable. He has asked for a specific individual, and what he requires would be worse than death..."  
Holly was no longer afraid, she was, in fact, growing angry. "What does he want of me?"  
"Well, Holly, I didn't say it was you..."  
"Who else? I know his style by now, Root. Five, miserable years..."  
"Holly... He wants... He wants you to marry him."  
"He WHAT?!?!"  
Foaly cringed and took off the hearing devices. Holly was shouting loud enough to be heard in the whole complex, let alone one little room away...  
"Holly, calm down! You don't have to... but if you don't it could mean the annihilation of the fairies. Come on, Holly, you or the fairies? You've been a loyal LEPrecon agent, surely you can make this one last sacrifice?"  
"You don't know what you're asking, Root." Her voice was icy, her expression unreadable. "I would rather die first."  
Holly stalked out of the door, her face a stony mask. She walked down the hall, glaring at the faces that quickly disappeared behind closed doors. She saw a flash of a particulary meek-looking Foaly in a mirror, and then...  
Holly Short burst out laughing.  
"CUT! Cut, cut, cut!" The Director yelled. His voice was getting hoarse already... "Holly, girl, get a grip! That's the third time today we've had to reshoot! What was it *this* time?"   
Holly was doubled over, laughing so hard she could barely speak. "Foaly... face... hahaha... looked... ahahahaha... MEEK!" She rolled on the ground, roaring with laughter, clutching her stomach, tears streaming down her face. "MEEK! Ahahahahah..."  
Foaly trotted out of the room, looking helpless. "Sorry! Sorry! Director's note's said 'Look meek,' see?" He knelt and shoved a slip of paper at her, but she couldn't read it because her eyes were tearing. Amused faces popped out of rooms all down the corridor, and soon Holly and Foaly had quite an audience.   
"Well, Holly, what was I supposed to do? Holly! Listen... Holly..." Foaly looked up despairingly from the doubled-over figure on the carpet to the crowd of faces surrounding them. "What do I *do*??"  
Trouble mouthed something at him. Foaly's eyes brightened. He winked. He grinned evilly. Then...  
"Oh, Holly!" he cried melodramatically, swooping her up from the ground. "How could I ever, *ever* live without you? Holly, don't go with that Mud-boy! I love you!" He gave her a quick peck on the cheek, posing like a fool. "Holly, don't leave me!"  
Holly laughed harder, and made vague pushing-away motions, to no avail... Most of their audience was chuckling, too.  
"Now now, stand up, there's a good girl..." the Director said. "Foaly, let her go. This is a *horror/romance* film, not a farce! Places again, people! And Holly? Try to keep control of yourself this time! From the top!"  
The lights flashed, the cameras rolled, and the scene began once again...  
  
  
  
  
MUAHAHAHAHA!!! told'ya i was twisted! fooled you, didnt i? ...i may be twisted, but not *that* twisted...  
r&r, plz, and tell me wat u think! really. even if its a flame...  
my plotbunnies are cold... and my thunderbunnies *like* heat...   
if u dun r&r, a horde of evil plotbunnies/maryjanes will flow like water... and surround you until you drown in goopy disgusting twisted plots! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!  
im laughing evilly a lot lately, rnt i? hm... must do somethin about that... 


End file.
